An enjoyable weekend and my new love...

Today was a good day. I was able to get the most of the house cleaned up with all 3 kids here. Fiona laid down for a nap and I made Dareon get off his ass and help too. We went to Bubba's 14th Bday party yesterday over at the park off Anderson Snow Rd. It was nice to see the family we don't see all the time and hang out with actual adults. It was cold and windy but the kids were able to blow off some steam and run around, which they enjoyed. 

   

Tony bought me this amazing camera 2 Christmas' ago. I wanted a better camera than my Nikon point and shoot camera, and my waterproof camera. I was reading all these blogs on photography and seeing people take these amazing pictures. So I told atony that I wanted a DSLR camera. He brought my home this Samsung WB110.

It's not exactly a DSLR but it takes more work and knowledge than what I had. Reading up on it, my Samsung is the camera in between a typical point and shoot camera and a DSLR.  Every time I tried to use it the pictures would come out blurred as hell and I couldn't see to work it right. So I put it up out of frustration.  Well this year I decided that I wasn't going to let it sit on and shelf and collect dust anymore.   So I have been reading up on how to use it and the differences between all the settings.  I feel as though I am getting better and better but I still have a lot to learn. 

I took some amazing photos of the kids at the party that turned out so good.,

I am so pleased with myself.   I'm not getting cocky or anything but I am falling in love with my camera and trying to use it every chance I can get. I'm working on learning macro photography right now and it's such a delicate technique.

 I've learned the difference between close up and macro shots.  I'm hoping that with everything I'm learning I can continue to work on my hobby. 

We are half way through January and I am getting anxious about moving. I just want to move already. I'm sick and tired of fighting and struggling here. I feel that 2015 has so much potential and all this waiting is making me anxious and scared that we won't be able to move.  We still haven't locked down a location yet which is making me nervous bc I want to have everything planned out.  I'm worried that we won't get enough from our income tax to move so we will be stuck here. Either way we have to be out of here by the end of March, whether it's TX, NY or another place here in FL.  

The Plague Has Left the Building!

The plague has finally left the building!  So everyone in the house has been sick since after Christmas. My SIL came over with her kids and neglected to tell us that they were sick, so naturally they were loving and hugging all over everyone including the baby. Well the plague began to rear its ugly head beginning with hubby and boy.  The next day monkey got it and then I caught it the following day. Naturally it was only a matter of time before baby monkey caught it and when she did we all would have hell to pay. Boy and monkey got the flu mist that they were giving out this flu season so they got over fairly quickly and only had the nagging cough and congestion. Meanwhile it knocked hubby and I on our asses and basically put us out of commission for about a week.  When baby monkey got it she was so miserable that both her and I slept for almost 3 days straight. We would lay in bed sleeping then nurse and than back to sleep we would go.  And just when you think you begin to feel better all of a sudden BAM! You are down again and feel worse than you did before. Hence the reason why I have been absent for the first 2 weeks of the year.  But now we are feeling better and staying away from anyone who is remotely sick. 

In fact right now hubby is scrolling through HULU plus looking for a movie to watch. Mind you he has struck out with the last 5 choices.   You think he would get the hint to change streaming services and look for something else.   Lol oh well. 

We celebrated monkeys birthday on 1/3.

We did a family celebration. She got her frozen dolls that she didn't get for Christmas.

We went and took her to Denny's for brunch and made sure that they came out and sang for her.

 During the singing she decided to cover her face until they were done and walked away. After brunch we came home where I cooked cupcakes and used my pastry bag to decorate them and then made dinner.  When we sang happy birthday to her she also covered her face.   It was a nice night but we were all still trying to recover and get better. 

It looks as though NY is back on the table. In fact, it's about 90% sure that we will end up there.  Schenectady,NY to be exact. It will defiantly be a big change for all of us. All we are waiting on is the income tax to come in so we can have money to move. That's if the company doesn't through with a moving package first. I don't know how much longer we can last like this. I am doing my best with the bills but the cc are falling further and further behind. In fact I don't even think any of them won't be restricted by the time this period is over with. But hopefully more pristine thing will be coming our way soon. We just have to get the hell out of Fl. I'm going to miss the hell out of my family and friends but sometimes you just have to do what is best for your family and that's where we are at right now. There's no future for us if we stay here and besides its always seemed like hubby and I have been  pressing pause on our life since we got together. Every time we seem to get momentum, the rug get pulled out from underneath us.  But that's in the past. We are pushing forward with faith and prayers that positive changes are going to happen. 

My aunt came to visit last week.  She was down from Alaska visiting and when I told her that I would love to see her but wasn't able to make it to the east coast, she took time out of her trip to come and see me. She got to see the kids in person for the first time and I got to see her after too many years. It was great. We had one of the longest hugs and I needed it. It was great to see her and have her meet hubby. 

I'm still BF baby monkey and we are going strong.  

Lisa's sent me some pictures that she took when Lea was born and she got a shot of when  I first got Lea to latch on.

I swear it's the most beautiful picture that I have ever seen. I am so thankful to have such an amazing person in my life that supports me the way she does.   Blood isn't always stronger than water is all I have to say. 

I have this entire week off for vacation and let me tell you that it is desperately needed. I'm going to just sit back and enjoy my time with my kids even boy. 

Hello 2015!

     Happy New Year!  I am so glad that 2014 is over with.  I can't even begin to express the happiness that I feel for that.   

     2014 started off on a high note with finding out that we were pregnant!  Trust me it was a huge surprise for us. Tony and I went down to Miami for the graphics arts convention. It was a nice getaway without the kids but I wasn't feeling well the entire time.  Of course we thought it was the flu because I was taking my birth control religiously each day.   So finding out we had another one on the way when we weren't prepared for it, threw us for a loop.  With me already dealing with post partum, I didn't take the news very well.  I took it out on those closest to me which wasn't fair to them. 

     In March, I started having pains and contractions so Tony rushed me to the hospital. Turns out the baby was fine but I have gallstones which is what was causing the pain.  I have difficult pregnancies to begin with, so that just made it worse. 

     In April, Tony's mother went into the hospital suddenly.  She was there almost a month and almost died on us a few times. Talk about stressful. When they finally found out what it was, it was not only a relief but devastating at the same time.  She was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer.  Meanwhile she had no insurance at all Nd they were fighting to give her Medicaid. 

     In May,  Tony's work slowed down so the large purchase we made was really screwing with our finances. We lost both our washer and dryer in one month and had to purchase new ones. The money we were saving up for my maternity leave was going to his mother for her chemo treatment. And besides the immense amount of pain I was in, the anxiety attacks started with a vengeance. 

     In June and July, Tony did a shitload of traveling which left me home with the kids by myself a lot. He started getting job offers from other states during the next few months. 

     In August, I was in and out of the hospital constantly with the gall bladder attacks and the brackson hicks. 

     In September, my doctor decided to put me on leave and retire all in one sitting. Meanwhile I was fighting with my insurance company for them to pay me. 

     In October, after finding my new doctor and going to the first appointment I was told that we would be having the little girl 3 weeks sooner than we thought.  On 10/10/14 we had little Lea Grace. 

     In November, we made the decision that we need to move because we found out that Tony's job was going to be over with in December.  We had Thanksgiving at his mothers house and found out that she was in remission. The bad news, his grandmother found out that she has stage 4 breast cancer and his 2 year old cousin has stage 4 leukemia.  Oh and due to financial issues I have to go back to work 4 weeks early. 

     In December, we were worrying about how we were going to pay for Christmas and I went back to work on 12/4. Tony's grandmother has a single mastectomy and his cousin is still getting worse day by day. Tony was able to get his bonus and in the breath was told that he would be laid off moving forward.  We bought Christmas and hosted the annual family dinner at our house.  The day after Christmas, the crud spreads through the house. 

     This brings us to 2015.   Hello 2015, May you bring us a much easier life and better opportunities for our family. We will go wherever that takes us, even if it is thousands of miles away from home. Lord knows that we have struggled enough for a lifetime and we deserve to be happy and enjoy and much less stressful life. 

Figuring things out...

There's so much going on in my life right now that this blog has been put on the back burner.  Please bear with me as I figure things out...

3 is way more difficult than 2!

Hey everyone! I am still working on the labor and delivery story for little Lea but I wanted to give everyone an update now.  I didn't think that there would be much difference between having 2 kids and going to 3.  BOY WAS I WRONG!  Even with one of them in school for most of the day, having 3 kids is much more difficult.

First let's talk about my first little princess.  She loves her little sister and constantly wants to hold her and kiss her, BUT she is also very jealous of her sister.  

She has went from a sweet little girl to this little monster that is hard to recognize.  We are slowly working on getting our sweet little girl back but have yet to see but glimpses of her since we came home from the hospital.  She turns 3 in January so I know some of it can be linked to the 3's but also a lot of it is that she isn't the baby anymore.  She is talking more now, and most of it you can understand.Also I now know when selective hearing begins. Her attitude is showing through very clearly and all I have to say in regards to that is that we are going to have our hands full.

Now let's look at my young prince.  He is having a shock right now because he is acquiring a lot more responsibility around the house.  He also tried to play the needy child card like his 2 year old sister, which i nipped in the butt right away.  He loves his new little sister and constantly wants to hold her.  

He is a big helper when to comes to getting things for her and helping out with Fiona.

An update on the leave situation, well they denied my claim as far as the pay is concerned.  I was approved for the time off, which is great but I haven't received a paycheck since the middle of September.  We haven't been in a situation like this for a very long time.  It is not making postpartum any easier.  I feel like I'm fighting against a brick wall sometimes, just trying to stop it from closing in.  I know what that brick wall is and I don't want to let it close in all the way.  Having dealt with postpartum depression in the past, I don't want to go through it again.  It is a very real and difficult issue to deal with.  With the financial troubles that we are having right now, I feel like I'm right on the edge.  According to my insurance and employer, I will be getting a check on 10/31 but it will not be a full check, because the first week you are out is on you.  I used the PTO I had saved for the delivery back in September when I was told to take leave.   So this first week of my leave is unpaid.  We will see what 56 hours gets me once taxes and deductions are taken out.  In the meantime my day consists of making arrangements and dealing with the phone calls from everyone.  We just have to make it through another week. 

I chose to give breastfeeding another try with Lea.

I gave up early with Dareon and same with Fiona. It made me feel like a failure so I became determined to do it with Lea. I didn't realize everything involved with it though. The nipple pain, the cramping, and the engorgement. Oh my god it hurt so bad, BUT I am happy to say that we are still successfully breastfeeding 12 days later :). Granted in the middle of the night about 3:30 am I really wish Tony could feed her. Lol. After I had her I weighed 235 lbs and as of today I weigh 213.5 lbs 😳!  

Time to head to the hospital!

Ok so we are down to the wire. I have to be up in 4.5 hours to leave for the the hospital.

We met up with Christine and dropped the kids off. Dareon well he was fine with it and besides he's been begging me for the last month and a half to spend the night. Fiona on the other hand wasn't happy at all. She wouldn't let go of her daddy and then wouldn't let go of me and started crying. This made me start crying. I know that I'm not just leaving her and that her lil sister will be here tomorrow but it broke my heart. I just don't want her to hate me and think that I've just up and left her. That was definitely one of the hardest things I've done in a while. And it took me 15-20 minutes to calm down myself after they drove away. 

The last time I was away from her like this for this long was when we went on our cruise. The difference is that she was young and didn't realize what was happening. No crying, nothing. Tonight she knew that something was going on. That made it harder. 

I just pray that things go well tomorrow.