3 is way more difficult than 2!

Hey everyone! I am still working on the labor and delivery story for little Lea but I wanted to give everyone an update now.  I didn't think that there would be much difference between having 2 kids and going to 3.  BOY WAS I WRONG!  Even with one of them in school for most of the day, having 3 kids is much more difficult.

First let's talk about my first little princess.  She loves her little sister and constantly wants to hold her and kiss her, BUT she is also very jealous of her sister.  

She has went from a sweet little girl to this little monster that is hard to recognize.  We are slowly working on getting our sweet little girl back but have yet to see but glimpses of her since we came home from the hospital.  She turns 3 in January so I know some of it can be linked to the 3's but also a lot of it is that she isn't the baby anymore.  She is talking more now, and most of it you can understand.Also I now know when selective hearing begins. Her attitude is showing through very clearly and all I have to say in regards to that is that we are going to have our hands full.

Now let's look at my young prince.  He is having a shock right now because he is acquiring a lot more responsibility around the house.  He also tried to play the needy child card like his 2 year old sister, which i nipped in the butt right away.  He loves his new little sister and constantly wants to hold her.  

He is a big helper when to comes to getting things for her and helping out with Fiona.

An update on the leave situation, well they denied my claim as far as the pay is concerned.  I was approved for the time off, which is great but I haven't received a paycheck since the middle of September.  We haven't been in a situation like this for a very long time.  It is not making postpartum any easier.  I feel like I'm fighting against a brick wall sometimes, just trying to stop it from closing in.  I know what that brick wall is and I don't want to let it close in all the way.  Having dealt with postpartum depression in the past, I don't want to go through it again.  It is a very real and difficult issue to deal with.  With the financial troubles that we are having right now, I feel like I'm right on the edge.  According to my insurance and employer, I will be getting a check on 10/31 but it will not be a full check, because the first week you are out is on you.  I used the PTO I had saved for the delivery back in September when I was told to take leave.   So this first week of my leave is unpaid.  We will see what 56 hours gets me once taxes and deductions are taken out.  In the meantime my day consists of making arrangements and dealing with the phone calls from everyone.  We just have to make it through another week. 

I chose to give breastfeeding another try with Lea.

I gave up early with Dareon and same with Fiona. It made me feel like a failure so I became determined to do it with Lea. I didn't realize everything involved with it though. The nipple pain, the cramping, and the engorgement. Oh my god it hurt so bad, BUT I am happy to say that we are still successfully breastfeeding 12 days later :). Granted in the middle of the night about 3:30 am I really wish Tony could feed her. Lol. After I had her I weighed 235 lbs and as of today I weigh 213.5 lbs 😳!  

Time to head to the hospital!

Ok so we are down to the wire. I have to be up in 4.5 hours to leave for the the hospital.

We met up with Christine and dropped the kids off. Dareon well he was fine with it and besides he's been begging me for the last month and a half to spend the night. Fiona on the other hand wasn't happy at all. She wouldn't let go of her daddy and then wouldn't let go of me and started crying. This made me start crying. I know that I'm not just leaving her and that her lil sister will be here tomorrow but it broke my heart. I just don't want her to hate me and think that I've just up and left her. That was definitely one of the hardest things I've done in a while. And it took me 15-20 minutes to calm down myself after they drove away. 

The last time I was away from her like this for this long was when we went on our cruise. The difference is that she was young and didn't realize what was happening. No crying, nothing. Tonight she knew that something was going on. That made it harder. 

I just pray that things go well tomorrow.

The Day Before A New Beginning.

So I've been MIA for the last 10 months...here's what's been going on. 

Today is the last day we will be a family of 4. It's hard to believe that tomorrow lil Lea will be here. I'm a bundle of emotions right now, ranging from excited to scared shitless. 

We never planned on having another kid after Fiona, but it happened anyways. When I first found out I was pregnant yet again I freaked the fuck out. I took 4 at home tests and then made the dr do an additional test to make sure. I cried for days and had anxiety attack after anxiety attack. Looking back on it, the attacks probably came from coming off of my depression medicine. I eventually was able to calm down and then started feeling about having another kid. 

I was diagnosed with gall stones within the next 3 weeks. We thought we were losing the baby when we walked into the emergency room, but after a battery of tests and ultrasounds they determined that the baby was fine but I had gallstones. They said that my gallbladder was going to have to come out sometime after the baby arrives. Needless to say with the gallstones there was added stress and complications. This pregnancy was very hard on me over the last 10 months with the additional pain and gallbladder attacks. 

In April, Tony's mom started having seizures and blackouts. She was rushed to the hospital. They admitted her and she was in ICU for 3 days. We weren't sure if she was going to make it through. They got her stabilized and then started their battery of tests to find out what was wrong with her. After about 3 weeks it was determined that she had stage 3 lung cancer. Add stress. Things have been very rough. She doesn't have insurance so we have had to do what we can in order to help them with expenses. Unfortunately Tony hasn't been making a lot like he did the year before so our finances have no wiggle room at all. 

Speaking of Tony's job, it will be over more than likely at the end of October or November. More stress. So we have been looking for more options for him. He has offers to move to NY to work and that's what we were planning on for a few months. But that fell through and then he started getting offers from TX to come and work. Right now that is the plan. I just wish that he was able to go there before hand and get started but he hasn't been able to since I am pregnant with some serious complications. The plan is to move as soon as I am ready to after the baby is delivered. But he has to still finish the application process for these different companies. 

I decided to go back to the same dr that delivered Fiona back in 2012, Dr. Lewis. Everything was fine up until 2 weeks ago, when out of nowhere he retired without notice. So at 37 weeks I had to find another dr to do my C-section. Queue additional stress. I found and met with Dr. Sporn and was feeling a lot better. He looked at ultrasounds and tests then moved my due date from 10/26 to 10/17. They called the hospital and scheduled my surgery for 10/10. But since Dr. Lewis took me out of work as of 9/9, I have been fighting with the insurance company for compensation. 

So needless to say we are very anxious for Lea to make her appearance. It will be the beginning of a new life for us. If and when Tony gets this job in TX we will be moving and for someone who not only hates change and also has never lived anywhere else, it makes for a very stressful situation. I like to plan and know what is going on. I hate flying by the seat of my pants like we have had to for the past 3 months. I'm scared that we won't have any money to move out there. I'm scared that in the meantime we can't pay our bills and we are going to lose everything. Trying to stay calm through this whole process has not been easy and I have broken down too many times to count. 

Anyways….I feel like I have so much stuff left to do. Not to mention that with Fiona I was able to buy stuff and get ready for her. For Lea, we haven't been able to buy a lot of stuff at all. The stuff we have bought isn't new and it makes me feel horrible. I just want her to feel loved like Fiona and Dareon. I know that stuff doesn't determine love but I don't like feeling she's getting the raw end of the deal. 

I hope Fiona likes her little sister. She's definitely into the 2's right now. Lol. Well I better get to work on what I need to have finished today. So much to do so little time.