Figuring things out...

There's so much going on in my life right now that this blog has been put on the back burner.  Please bear with me as I figure things out...

3 is way more difficult than 2!

Hey everyone! I am still working on the labor and delivery story for little Lea but I wanted to give everyone an update now.  I didn't think that there would be much difference between having 2 kids and going to 3.  BOY WAS I WRONG!  Even with one of them in school for most of the day, having 3 kids is much more difficult.

First let's talk about my first little princess.  She loves her little sister and constantly wants to hold her and kiss her, BUT she is also very jealous of her sister.  

She has went from a sweet little girl to this little monster that is hard to recognize.  We are slowly working on getting our sweet little girl back but have yet to see but glimpses of her since we came home from the hospital.  She turns 3 in January so I know some of it can be linked to the 3's but also a lot of it is that she isn't the baby anymore.  She is talking more now, and most of it you can understand.Also I now know when selective hearing begins. Her attitude is showing through very clearly and all I have to say in regards to that is that we are going to have our hands full.

Now let's look at my young prince.  He is having a shock right now because he is acquiring a lot more responsibility around the house.  He also tried to play the needy child card like his 2 year old sister, which i nipped in the butt right away.  He loves his new little sister and constantly wants to hold her.  

He is a big helper when to comes to getting things for her and helping out with Fiona.

An update on the leave situation, well they denied my claim as far as the pay is concerned.  I was approved for the time off, which is great but I haven't received a paycheck since the middle of September.  We haven't been in a situation like this for a very long time.  It is not making postpartum any easier.  I feel like I'm fighting against a brick wall sometimes, just trying to stop it from closing in.  I know what that brick wall is and I don't want to let it close in all the way.  Having dealt with postpartum depression in the past, I don't want to go through it again.  It is a very real and difficult issue to deal with.  With the financial troubles that we are having right now, I feel like I'm right on the edge.  According to my insurance and employer, I will be getting a check on 10/31 but it will not be a full check, because the first week you are out is on you.  I used the PTO I had saved for the delivery back in September when I was told to take leave.   So this first week of my leave is unpaid.  We will see what 56 hours gets me once taxes and deductions are taken out.  In the meantime my day consists of making arrangements and dealing with the phone calls from everyone.  We just have to make it through another week. 

I chose to give breastfeeding another try with Lea.

I gave up early with Dareon and same with Fiona. It made me feel like a failure so I became determined to do it with Lea. I didn't realize everything involved with it though. The nipple pain, the cramping, and the engorgement. Oh my god it hurt so bad, BUT I am happy to say that we are still successfully breastfeeding 12 days later :). Granted in the middle of the night about 3:30 am I really wish Tony could feed her. Lol. After I had her I weighed 235 lbs and as of today I weigh 213.5 lbs 😳!  

Time to head to the hospital!

Ok so we are down to the wire. I have to be up in 4.5 hours to leave for the the hospital.

We met up with Christine and dropped the kids off. Dareon well he was fine with it and besides he's been begging me for the last month and a half to spend the night. Fiona on the other hand wasn't happy at all. She wouldn't let go of her daddy and then wouldn't let go of me and started crying. This made me start crying. I know that I'm not just leaving her and that her lil sister will be here tomorrow but it broke my heart. I just don't want her to hate me and think that I've just up and left her. That was definitely one of the hardest things I've done in a while. And it took me 15-20 minutes to calm down myself after they drove away. 

The last time I was away from her like this for this long was when we went on our cruise. The difference is that she was young and didn't realize what was happening. No crying, nothing. Tonight she knew that something was going on. That made it harder. 

I just pray that things go well tomorrow.

The Day Before A New Beginning.

So I've been MIA for the last 10 months...here's what's been going on. 

Today is the last day we will be a family of 4. It's hard to believe that tomorrow lil Lea will be here. I'm a bundle of emotions right now, ranging from excited to scared shitless. 

We never planned on having another kid after Fiona, but it happened anyways. When I first found out I was pregnant yet again I freaked the fuck out. I took 4 at home tests and then made the dr do an additional test to make sure. I cried for days and had anxiety attack after anxiety attack. Looking back on it, the attacks probably came from coming off of my depression medicine. I eventually was able to calm down and then started feeling about having another kid. 

I was diagnosed with gall stones within the next 3 weeks. We thought we were losing the baby when we walked into the emergency room, but after a battery of tests and ultrasounds they determined that the baby was fine but I had gallstones. They said that my gallbladder was going to have to come out sometime after the baby arrives. Needless to say with the gallstones there was added stress and complications. This pregnancy was very hard on me over the last 10 months with the additional pain and gallbladder attacks. 

In April, Tony's mom started having seizures and blackouts. She was rushed to the hospital. They admitted her and she was in ICU for 3 days. We weren't sure if she was going to make it through. They got her stabilized and then started their battery of tests to find out what was wrong with her. After about 3 weeks it was determined that she had stage 3 lung cancer. Add stress. Things have been very rough. She doesn't have insurance so we have had to do what we can in order to help them with expenses. Unfortunately Tony hasn't been making a lot like he did the year before so our finances have no wiggle room at all. 

Speaking of Tony's job, it will be over more than likely at the end of October or November. More stress. So we have been looking for more options for him. He has offers to move to NY to work and that's what we were planning on for a few months. But that fell through and then he started getting offers from TX to come and work. Right now that is the plan. I just wish that he was able to go there before hand and get started but he hasn't been able to since I am pregnant with some serious complications. The plan is to move as soon as I am ready to after the baby is delivered. But he has to still finish the application process for these different companies. 

I decided to go back to the same dr that delivered Fiona back in 2012, Dr. Lewis. Everything was fine up until 2 weeks ago, when out of nowhere he retired without notice. So at 37 weeks I had to find another dr to do my C-section. Queue additional stress. I found and met with Dr. Sporn and was feeling a lot better. He looked at ultrasounds and tests then moved my due date from 10/26 to 10/17. They called the hospital and scheduled my surgery for 10/10. But since Dr. Lewis took me out of work as of 9/9, I have been fighting with the insurance company for compensation. 

So needless to say we are very anxious for Lea to make her appearance. It will be the beginning of a new life for us. If and when Tony gets this job in TX we will be moving and for someone who not only hates change and also has never lived anywhere else, it makes for a very stressful situation. I like to plan and know what is going on. I hate flying by the seat of my pants like we have had to for the past 3 months. I'm scared that we won't have any money to move out there. I'm scared that in the meantime we can't pay our bills and we are going to lose everything. Trying to stay calm through this whole process has not been easy and I have broken down too many times to count. 

Anyways….I feel like I have so much stuff left to do. Not to mention that with Fiona I was able to buy stuff and get ready for her. For Lea, we haven't been able to buy a lot of stuff at all. The stuff we have bought isn't new and it makes me feel horrible. I just want her to feel loved like Fiona and Dareon. I know that stuff doesn't determine love but I don't like feeling she's getting the raw end of the deal. 

I hope Fiona likes her little sister. She's definitely into the 2's right now. Lol. Well I better get to work on what I need to have finished today. So much to do so little time.

Long Time No See....

So it has been months since I've updated y'all. Well a lot has happened in those few months. 

I was doing great on my diet, in fact I got down to 216lbs. I was so happy and proud!!  Then I got sick, or so I thought, and wasn't feeling well for over a month. On the off chance I decided to take a pregnancy test. Surprise surprise it came out positive. So what did I do? Take 3 more. All the same results. So I made an appointment with my doctor and everything looked amazing. When I found out I badly freaked out. I wanted another one but after discussing with my husband, we decided not to have another one and that we are fine with the ones we have. So when those tests came back positive I had a panic attack, not a minor one but a major attack. I don't know if it was the fact that it was a surprise, or that this little one will change everything, but it took awhile for the excitement part to hit me. 

It's official so we are having another one and this will make 3 for us. 

I started having some digestive issues about 2-3 months after I had Fiona. Tony kept telling me to get it taken care of but I kept pushing it off. I don't know if I was scared or the outcome or if I hate doctors but I kept putting it off.  Turns out that I should have gotten it taken care of. 

On Friday. I started having severe abdominal pain along with some spotting and discharge, so my hubby took me to the emergency room. They did the whole work up and determined that the baby is doing great but with the location of the abdominal pain they did another ultrasound. So after hours of waiting, I have cholecystitis, or gallstones. Turns out that it is very common among women who are pregnant. The gastric banding also increases the chance and being overweight. Of course I have all of those. There are a lot of complications that come with this. I go see my dr on Monday so I am hoping for the best. 

And It Continues

Yes the funk continues. It took everything in my power to make myself get out of bed to go to work and take care of the kids and house. I'm going to be honest wight y'all it hasn't been easy for me this week.  I had all the intentions in the world to get my workouts in.  Everything starts with good intentions right?  Well it didn't happen. It was no ones fault but my own and I take responsibility for that. Good news is everything is beginning to straighten out and I am feeling more and more like my old self each day. I also have some other good news as well...

The pic on the left is the weekend before Christmas and the pic on the right is from yesterday when I had to go in the office. You can definitely see some progress there!  I can't tell in the mirror but seeing the pictures side by side helps me see what progress I've made.  Now my food choices weren't horrible but they could've been better.   I am incorporating a fruit or vegetable in each meal that I have throughout the day, even with the smart one meals.  I need to drink more water throughout the day and lay off of the drinks at night. I've been drinking a jack and coke each night to relax a bit after the long days so those calories don't help either.  I don't know if it is true that alcoholism runs in the genes or not but I know that I have to be careful because I could easily turn into one.  I feel it if I drink often, even if it's only at night.  So I am going to lay off the drinks for a little while. 

I tell you guys I am ready for the weather here to make up its mind!  I am located in the Tampa, Fl area and today it is 50. That is the warmest it has been all week  I mean it snowed in the panhandle for goodness sakes!  Now if it was cold and sunny then that would be better but nooooo it has to be cold and rainy.  So this weekend it's suppose to be back up in the 80's so we will see if that happens. Tomorrow is going to be the party for my daughter's 2nd birthday so I am hoping that the weather holds out. It's also going to be a challenge to eat a turkey burger instead of the bacon cheese burger and stay away from the typical party foods, chips, potato salad, baked beans and cake.  

Do you have any tips on making healthy choices at parties?

Funk

So I have been in a funk since before Christmas. It's been hard to shake it with everything going on here at home. My husband is having a really hard time with work and with everything up in the air is stressing me out.  I feel as though that I am beginning to even out now though with some help from my doctor.  So sorry I have been MIA for a little while. BUT I'M BACK!  And I didn't eat my feelings during that period. 

Today was weigh in day!!  After my loss last week I was worried I wouldn't have a loss this week.  But I did have a slight loss - 0.3 lbs.  So I'm now down to 228.5. I'm doing much better with my eating I think. 

  

It was taco night so tacos it was. Tomorrow is dance night so it will be crockpot night and I am doing apple bourbon BBQ chicken. I'm trying the Campbell's slow cooker mixes so we will see how it turns out. 

I have a few fitness apps that I have fallen in love with. One of those is popsugar fitness. I love this app because it has quick 10 minutes workouts that can kick your butt!  Also I love the running for weight loss app. One of my goals is to run a 5k. So this app alternates jogging,walking, and sprinting. 

You guys know that I am very particular about my oatmeal, but I found another one that I love!!  I decided to try the smart ones, apple cinnamon oatmeal and it was fantastic. It warmed you from the inside out and was filling, plus it was only 4+ points. 

Until tomorrow y'all, and remember everyone has a inner fit girl that is dying to come out!

Weigh In Day

Hey guys.  So it looks like I've been managing to get one blog post as week on here.  I will try to do better, I promise :). 


BUT drumroll please......


Weigh In Day was Tuesday 1/21/14 and I had a loss!!  About a 3lb loss.  So I am down to 228.8 lbs.  See I got all worked up for nothing. 


I have managed to work out at least 3-5 times a week.  It is typically some body weight exercises and then a treadmill walk @ 2.8 mph.  Now I have an old treadmill not one of the fancy ones where you can set intervals and inclines.  I am able to set the speed and that is about it.  But it is something. 


I have gone from grasping the handles at 2.8 mph to being able to walk it, which I am proud of.  Last night I got brave and for the last 5 minutes or so I bumped it up to 3.0 mph, which doesn't sound fast but let me tell you its not ass easy as it sounds.  I managed about 5-7 minutes at 3.0 and even ran for a little bit of it.  Which I was very proud of.

Weigh-In Day (again)

 Hey guys!

     I know that it's been a week since my last post but things have been really busy here.  Like I said before school started back up for me and it's taking a lot more of my time than I thought it would. But here I am and I a happy to report that I worked out 5 out of 7 days last eek and stayed under my points as well.  So I was very proud of myself...that is until I stepped on the scale this morning. I came in at 231.7 lbs that's a 0.6 lbs gain.  Now I know what you are thinking...

"It's only number!"

"It's not even 1 lb!"

"That shouldn't matter!"

But it does matter to me at least. I work with numbers all day every day, so that slight minimal gain does hurt a little. Now I'm not going off the deep end here, throwing my hands in the air, and saying "F**K IT!" Then go scarf down the next half pound bacon cheeseburger I see...

Which for those who know me would've been my first step a couple of months ago. It would've been a shot over to Wendy's and an order of the baconator with cheese fries and an another of chicken nuggets with cheese sauce. Defeat would've been coursing through my veins and all the hard work that I've done would've  gone to hell.  But with the defeat I'm feeling, it is coupled with anger and determination. I am pissed about the gain, trust me I am, but I am also determined to get this done. 

I struggle with this concept and have for many years. So I am still working on this.  I'm working on realizing that I am worth all this struggle and pain.  That no matter what I deserve to be happy with myself.  I didn't have a terrible childhood or anything like that but my self esteem has been something that I have struggled  with as far back as I can remember.  Why? I have no idea. I don't remember anything to significant that may have caused the body issues that I am still dealing with today. I don't want to say that it is my parents fault or society because I chose to put the food in my mouth and the activities or lack there of.  I do remember that when I was younger, that I was stick thin until I hit puberty and after puberty I wasn't "fat".  But ever since my teenage years I was constantly put on a diet because my mother was on one. So I constantly heard about fat and calories.   Now I don't know if that led to present day or what but I know that I have struggled with this for so long.  Right now my main goal is the get out of my own way at this point and learn to love myself.  But I also plan on making sure not to pawn off my body issues off on my daughter. We are all beautiful and deserve to be the best we can be.  

I love to cook and my favorite channel is Food Network. Well on Saturday they have this new show called The Kitchen (http://www.foodnetwork.com/the-kitchen/index.html).  

The host of the show are Marcella Valladolid, Geoffrey Zakariah, Sunny Anderson, Jeff Mauro, and Katie Lee.  It comes on Saturdays at 11 am est but I catch the replay on Sundays at 12 because I work during the original run of the new episodes. They had this one recipe that I am dying to try. 

Chile-Rubbed Chicken Breast with Kale, Quinoa and Brussels Sprouts Salad
Recipe courtesy of Marcela Valladolid

Prep Time:40 minInactive Prep Time:5 minCook Time:25 min
Level:
Easy
Serves:
4 servings
Ingredients
1 cup dried quinoa
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup plus 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon ground chipotle powder
1 teaspoon chopped fresh oregano
2 small garlic cloves, grated on a rasp, separated
4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon minced shallot (from about 1/2 small)
2 large bunches kale, center stems removed and leaves thinly sliced crosswise (about 1 1/2 pounds total)
12 ounces Brussels sprouts, trimmed and cored, finely grated or shredded with a knife
1/2 cup toasted almonds, chopped (about 2 ounces)
1 cup crumbled Cotija cheese (about 4 ounces)

Directions
Bring 2 cups water to a boil in a small saucepan. Add the quinoa, season with salt and cover. Reduce the heat to a simmer over medium-low, and cook until the quinoa has absorbed the water, about 15 minutes. Remove from the heat.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, mix together 2 tablespoons of the olive oil, the chipotle powder, oregano and 1 grated garlic clove. Season the mixture with salt and pepper. Sprinkle the chicken breasts on both sides with salt and pepper and rub the chipotle mixture evenly over the meat.

Heat 1 tablespoon of the olive oil in a large heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chicken breasts and cook, turning once, until browned and cooked through, about 5 minutes per side. Remove from the heat, cover, and let stand for 5 minutes before slicing.

In a small bowl, whisk together the lemon juice, Dijon, shallots and remaining grated garlic until combined. While whisking, slowly drizzle in the remaining 1/2 cup olive oil until thick and emulsified. Season the dressing with salt and pepper.

In a large mixing bowl, toss the cooked quinoa, kale, Brussels sprouts and almonds together until combined. Add the dressing and cheese and toss lightly until coated; season with salt and pepper.

Divide the mixture among 4 serving plates and top each with a sliced chicken breast. Serve immediately.

Copyright 2014 Television Food Network G.P.
All Rights Reserved

Read more at: http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_732166_RECIPE-PRINT-FULL-PAGE-FORMATTER,00.html?oc=linkback

I'm can't wait to try this tonight!!  Not sure how the kids will take to it but I know that I will love it because I love kale and I've always wanted to try quinoa.  Did you know that quinoa is actually a cereal?  That's something I didn't know!  

Is there's show that you have to watch no matter what?  

Well that's all I have for now.  So don't forget to let you inner fit girl shine!  Until next time! Love y'all.  

Weigh-Day

Yesterday was weigh in day for me. I was nervous about getting on that scale again after what I seen last time but to my surprise I lost 1.4 lbs!

 I was happy with the loss because honestly you have to take each loss as a victory.   I am in a much better place than the other day.  I am also doing better when it comes to trigger foods and healthy choices.  I decided to take away some of the choices for me when it comes to food.  I went to Walmart and picked up the WW Smart Ones Meals.  The less choices I give myself at this point the better I think because I can plan out my day better.  

The first one I tried was their cookie dough sundae. Needless to say I was pleasantly surprised. 

The family was having brownie sundaes and obviously that was not conducive to my diet at all. So I pulled out this and it was the perfect substitute plus it was only 140 calories!  SCORE!  

With the kids back in school and my vacation being over, I was back at work which means lunch time was cut short. So I am making a point of having one of these meals a day for lunch because they are very filling. I usually add in either a salad or a piece fruit or veggies on the side if I need to. I'm debating on whether or not to get the breakfast because honestly the one that I had wasn't too good. :(. 

So old man winter finally came to FL and he showed up with a vengeance. I love the cooler the weather as much as the next person but when the weather gets too cold that I have to put on actual shoes it's a little overboard. Lol. So with the frigid weather I decided that I wanted to make a soup for dinner.  Now I love food network and I watch it constantly WHILE I'm on the tread mill. Lol so when a pop up from pioneer woman showed up in my fb feed I knew exactly what I was going to do for dinner.  

Now I am not a fan of vegetable soup because I don't like frozen vegetables in my soup or all those veggies in my...or so I thought!  Apparently I didn't have a good recipe for one ( sorry mom ).  When I see this picture I just immediately had a craving for this soup and decided that's what I was going to make.  

I lightened it up a bit with some ground sirloin instead of chuck and lower sodium beef broth for regular beef broth. Plus, for my family I only used 4 oz.  I also added kale and zuchinni because ... Well it was in the fridge and I love kale and zuchinni. Since my hubby was out of town, it was my two kids and I that I was cooking for so needless to say I sized down the recipe quite a bit.  I only used 3 red potatoes, half an onion, 1 celery, 3 small carrots, 3 small sweet peppers and 2 cloves of garlic.  Also the recipe calls for cayenne and I decided on crushed red pepper instead.  Now I suck as taking pictures so mine wasn't as pretty as hers.  

And yes that's a little piece of cornbread. Now this was a rib sticking meal that definitely warmed you from the inside out. And I'll be eating leftovers again tonight for dinner.  Want another great piece of info about this recipe? My trimmed down version was only 7 WW PP!  That's my kind of dinner.  

Afterglow eating off of vacation and having to go back to work, I didn't sleep well at all Tuesday night so after my dinner, all I wanted to do when the kids were tucked away in their bed was lay down and sleep. But in the back of my mind the nagging fit Girl was like "girl get yo ass on that treadmill!!"  Somehow I made it into my workout clothes and managed to get a 30 minute workout in while watching Chopped. It was only 30 minutes but I did it at 3 mph and I was practically falling off at the end of 30 minutes. 

Also I attend the University of Phoenix because I am trying to finish of my degree. I felt like I have been in school forever so I am anxious to get it completed. I want to have something to show with all the debt and stress I've dealt with. Now I was attending the University of South Florida but with my hubby doing all this traveling I can't be gone from the kids that much. Plus since I work from home now, the waer and tear on my vehicle isn't worth the 1.5 hour drive there and back. So I decided to go the online school route and am attending the University of Phoenix. One thing that I like about them is that I don't have to buy books because they are included in the price of the class. Also you take 1 class and it lasts for 5 weeks. There's a lot of writing, team work, and reading involved but it works out better for me.  Did I mention there's a TON of reading involved?  Lol. Due to the holidays and other financial reason I decided that I would take the holidays off so everything is now back in swing as of yesterday because the classes always start on Tuesday for some odd reason.  Not only is my vacation from work over with but also my vacation from school. So my class this month is management theory and practice....zzzzzz.  Lol I am going to have to mix up how I work on that and my blob to make sure that I get everything done. But it's doable. 

Have a good day everyone and remember don't shut out your inner fit girl!

Frustration and Trigger Foods

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Hi everyone!  I want to start off with a warning and apology here.  This is going to be a venting post because I need to vent about frustrations that I have been dealing with over the past couple of days...ok years.  I appreciate all the love and support that I get from my family, friends and those who read my blog.  This blog has really helped me become accountable to myself and the decisions I am making.  But this blog as also caused me to look at myself and my decisions more critically. 

I started this off guns a blazing and full steam ahead about 3 weeks ago.  I had ALL this steam behind me and all these plans.  But all that steam was all that it was...STEAM.  I am finding myself falling back into old ways yet again and its only the 6th of January.  Why?  I am clearly not happy with myself at all yet I am still struggling with the simple day to day actions of healthy eating and decisions.  I find myself grasping at straws and finding loop holes to have 2 cookies here or a piece of pizza there.  Even if it does fit within the PP program for WW, I shouldn't be making those decisions or trying desperately to find/create those loop holes.  Yet the other night I sat there on the couch watching "Don't Trust the B**** in Apt. 23" opening package after package of the Lance Vanilla crème cookies and dunking them into my fat free milk.  There are 4 cookies in a pack and I ate 4 packages of them.  THAT'S 14 COOKIES!!!  Then after that since I already screwed myself for the rest of the evening I opened the bag of tortilla chips and the jar of salsa, bought the other night for a recipe, and proceeded to eat chips and salsa at 1:30 am.  Mind you the salsa wasn't enough, I had to add a dollop of sour cream to that salsa to make it more creamy. This vacation week has been a week from hell.  I have been sick with the plague all week so the food and pas consisted of condensed chicken and noodle soup or chicken and dumplings plus crackers or grilled cheese.  Being sick shouldn't been an excuse for bad eating, and I understand that.  I made those choices and put that food in my mouth.  BUT WHY DID I DO IT?!?  There was other food that was healthier in the house but I chose that food because it tasted good. 

What was I expecting when I stepped on the scale? A loss because of the lack of appetite? A stale mate because in my mind it could've been worse?  Honestly I don't know what I was expecting but I know that I didn't like what I saw.  The lack of nutritious food and lack of exercise didn't help me this week when it came to weigh in day.   I just want to scream and pull my hair out every time I think about what I did this past week.  Being sick isn't an excuse but I cant come up with anything else.  I just want to take myself in the corner and knock some sense into her. 

This caused me to start thinking again about food addiction.  Thanks to 2 special blogs, Fit and Free Emily and Authentically Emmie , I have started doing more and more research into this disorder.  I think I am going crazy honestly because I felt that I was the only one suffering from this problem.  My drug isn't a substance of any kind.  Its not meth, pot, alcohol, or pills.  It's food. People need food to survive, but I don't look at food merely for survival.  I enjoy food.  Food changes my mood and emotions throughout the day.  I literally feel like I'm going through withdrawals if there is something that I desperately want to eat but can't.  I feel stupid even saying it out loud.  It sucks being this way and it sucks being overweight.  Every night I look in the mirror trying to figure out a way to like myself the way I am, but I can't find anything that I like about myself.  I am 29 years old and weight 233 lbs.  I am paving the way for heart disease, diabetes, or worse.  But I am still struggling with liking myself for who I am.  And struggling with trigger foods.  When I think about what foods are my trigger foods it hurts.  It hurts because I know that I need to stay away from those.  BUT ITS ONLY A FOOD!?!  Food shouldn't have that power over you. 

Hi everyone!  My name is Ashley and I am an emotional and binge eater.  I am addicted to food. 

My trigger foods:

• Cookies
• Pizza
• Processed sugars
• Soda
• Chocolate Syrup
• Fast Food from any restaurant chain

When you hear the word abstinence, you automatically think of sex.  Well in this case I am talking about abstinence from my trigger foods.  Yes, it is true that you can't change others eating habits, but you can change your own.  I have to figure out a way to develop self control.  It's not as easy as just not doing it.  If it was that easy then I would be 120 lbs by now.  But I have ALWAYS struggled with this ever since I was a teenager.  This is going to be a long hard road ahead but after this post I feel better about my chances.  I am going to struggle and fall but the key is moving forward and learning why I did what I did.  This way I can avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. 

So here is to Day 1 of not having my trigger foods. 

Still sick

Oh god I'm still feeling like crap. I did however get the floors swept and mopped. Sesspools my kids are sesspools. Lol and of course this happened while I was on vacation...have a good night everyone. 

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!!  Time for New Years resolutions and goals that you want to achieve throughout the next 365 days. I have been thinking a lot about my goals for this year. I have decided not to call them resolutions but goals instead. I am a member of sparkpeople and I was reading on there about a challenge for January. 

The first challenge is to write down your goals so you can visually see them. So here are my goals for 2014 :

There are a lot of things I am going to accomplish this year and honestly I can't wait!  I am so excited about this year it's unbelievable. Granted I'm sicker than a dog right now along with everyone else in my house but I'm sure that I will start to feel better soon.   Today has been filled with rest rest and more rest. Oh and chicken noodle soup. I did head out to the store to pick up a few things and found some amazing deals at Big Lots!  They are getting more and more healthy and organic stuff in the stores now. The food isn't expired and it's such a good price. I don't understand why healthy food has to be so expensive sometimes. That has been a major frustration of mine for so long but I am determined to make sure that I don't let that hold me back from what I want to achieve.  I'm going to have to grab some pics of the amazing finds that I found in big lots another a day when I feel better.  I hope that this year brings health and happiness to you all!