Frustration and Trigger Foods

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/11529055/?claim=8q4knx9hv8h">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Hi everyone!  I want to start off with a warning and apology here.  This is going to be a venting post because I need to vent about frustrations that I have been dealing with over the past couple of days...ok years.  I appreciate all the love and support that I get from my family, friends and those who read my blog.  This blog has really helped me become accountable to myself and the decisions I am making.  But this blog as also caused me to look at myself and my decisions more critically. 

I started this off guns a blazing and full steam ahead about 3 weeks ago.  I had ALL this steam behind me and all these plans.  But all that steam was all that it was...STEAM.  I am finding myself falling back into old ways yet again and its only the 6th of January.  Why?  I am clearly not happy with myself at all yet I am still struggling with the simple day to day actions of healthy eating and decisions.  I find myself grasping at straws and finding loop holes to have 2 cookies here or a piece of pizza there.  Even if it does fit within the PP program for WW, I shouldn't be making those decisions or trying desperately to find/create those loop holes.  Yet the other night I sat there on the couch watching "Don't Trust the B**** in Apt. 23" opening package after package of the Lance Vanilla crème cookies and dunking them into my fat free milk.  There are 4 cookies in a pack and I ate 4 packages of them.  THAT'S 14 COOKIES!!!  Then after that since I already screwed myself for the rest of the evening I opened the bag of tortilla chips and the jar of salsa, bought the other night for a recipe, and proceeded to eat chips and salsa at 1:30 am.  Mind you the salsa wasn't enough, I had to add a dollop of sour cream to that salsa to make it more creamy. This vacation week has been a week from hell.  I have been sick with the plague all week so the food and pas consisted of condensed chicken and noodle soup or chicken and dumplings plus crackers or grilled cheese.  Being sick shouldn't been an excuse for bad eating, and I understand that.  I made those choices and put that food in my mouth.  BUT WHY DID I DO IT?!?  There was other food that was healthier in the house but I chose that food because it tasted good. 

What was I expecting when I stepped on the scale? A loss because of the lack of appetite? A stale mate because in my mind it could've been worse?  Honestly I don't know what I was expecting but I know that I didn't like what I saw.  The lack of nutritious food and lack of exercise didn't help me this week when it came to weigh in day.   I just want to scream and pull my hair out every time I think about what I did this past week.  Being sick isn't an excuse but I cant come up with anything else.  I just want to take myself in the corner and knock some sense into her. 

This caused me to start thinking again about food addiction.  Thanks to 2 special blogs, Fit and Free Emily and Authentically Emmie , I have started doing more and more research into this disorder.  I think I am going crazy honestly because I felt that I was the only one suffering from this problem.  My drug isn't a substance of any kind.  Its not meth, pot, alcohol, or pills.  It's food. People need food to survive, but I don't look at food merely for survival.  I enjoy food.  Food changes my mood and emotions throughout the day.  I literally feel like I'm going through withdrawals if there is something that I desperately want to eat but can't.  I feel stupid even saying it out loud.  It sucks being this way and it sucks being overweight.  Every night I look in the mirror trying to figure out a way to like myself the way I am, but I can't find anything that I like about myself.  I am 29 years old and weight 233 lbs.  I am paving the way for heart disease, diabetes, or worse.  But I am still struggling with liking myself for who I am.  And struggling with trigger foods.  When I think about what foods are my trigger foods it hurts.  It hurts because I know that I need to stay away from those.  BUT ITS ONLY A FOOD!?!  Food shouldn't have that power over you. 

Hi everyone!  My name is Ashley and I am an emotional and binge eater.  I am addicted to food. 

My trigger foods:

• Cookies
• Pizza
• Processed sugars
• Soda
• Chocolate Syrup
• Fast Food from any restaurant chain

When you hear the word abstinence, you automatically think of sex.  Well in this case I am talking about abstinence from my trigger foods.  Yes, it is true that you can't change others eating habits, but you can change your own.  I have to figure out a way to develop self control.  It's not as easy as just not doing it.  If it was that easy then I would be 120 lbs by now.  But I have ALWAYS struggled with this ever since I was a teenager.  This is going to be a long hard road ahead but after this post I feel better about my chances.  I am going to struggle and fall but the key is moving forward and learning why I did what I did.  This way I can avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. 

So here is to Day 1 of not having my trigger foods.